Mystery Me

I was recently asked what I write the most about here. My response was that if Tim Ferriss does productivity hacking and Dave Asprey does bio-hacking, then I guess I’m a self-hacker. A DIY self-improver.

After many years of being externally focused, obsessive about the future and resentful about the past, I began a journey inward about 5 years ago. I hacked my self. My ego. My personality. My soul. I learned the power of awareness. I learned how to observe my thoughts and feelings with minimal judgment. I learned healthy non-attachment.

I’ve come a long way. I’m happier, more whole than I’ve ever been. But as I turn 48 in a few weeks, I’m very aware of a few of my idiosyncrasies and dichotomies.

In the spirit of self-hacking, here are a few mysteries of me that befuddle and bemuse …

• After 10+ years of being committed to working out intensely and regularly, I’ve lost my passion for it. I literally get tired on the way to the gym. I have some sort of mental block in this area that I can’t seem to move. Yet, I feel that my desire for healthy, fit, energetic body is sincere. But I can’t seem to: a) recover that same drive and b) link behavior to desired results.
• I remain a control freak, over-planner. This is not uncommon for survivors of trauma. We obsess over environmental details and conditions — especially related to time…