Holding the Line

“Hold the line! Stay with me! If you find yourself alone, riding in the green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled …” — General Maximus Decimus Meridius

Boundaries are a new idea for me. Until late last year, I had essentially one boundary: in or out, ride-or-die, loyalty or betrayal. I realize now that this was a remnant of survival and connection-seeking; of trying to protect myself from pain and rejection. Thanks to self-reflection, friends that model healthy boundaries and a great therapist, I now have a much more clear picture of what my boundaries are. The intention of this essay is not to directly instruct you on how to establish boundaries. I’m simply sharing what I’ve experienced about boundaries.

For me, a boundary is established when: a) I know what matters to me, b) I am clear about when a line has been crossed and c) I consciously choose my response.

To know your boundaries it is essential to know your core self. When you know your core self, you have a sense of grounded sovereignty that is supported by your values and standards — which are made real by your behaviors and choices. When you know your core self, boundaries are based on love instead of fear. Further, boundaries become an active practice, not an esoteric theory. Knowing your core self ensures your boundaries are not rigid, narrow or judgemental — nor are they threats or…